Screeching Halt.

Some stuff quickly began to bother me and I can't sleep, so I feel obliged to address it, or something.

So, there's this guy. He more or less climbs into Old World Bhutan and decides to build all sorts of educational facilities there with hard-earned and excruciatingly budgeted money. You might think, "Geez! Here's a swell guy!" but when you squint and realize that he's doing it because he feels his life wouldn't have purpose without doing something, you learn that he's simply desperate to be liked and worried. As such, he finds a cause and hurdles himself at it full-force.

That's sort of the situation I'm in.

It was spelled-out to me in a weird Horoscope thing, earlier, which isn't usually the sort of thing I'd put too terribly much stock into, (as opposed to Fortune Cookies, mind you, which I try to adhere to adamantly) but it more or less said:

"Hey, you're going to make money. You likely already have money, and you feel like it's a measure of success. However, you dislike too many physical comforts. As such, you're going to be caught in a state of discontent because you're going to be consistently owning the money that doesn't make you happy, and that you're not likely to use."

I've sunken into a bit of a mope-season over that, because it's true.
I've been trying to purchase essentials for people: Food, Medicine, even a Internet Connection, but nobody will take it.
I'm trying to provide for someone, so that I can be justified as happy, or something, but it's all very odd.
It's not just, "Hey, I want you to spend my money", though. I want to give it to someone who kind of needs it, for something essential to them.

I can't quite put it all into words, but I'm trying to.
"Provide" feels key to whatever it is I'm trying to do, though.
The moment I said it, I felt like it was a word key to what I was trying to convey.

You ever meet a long-time idol and have them act really harshly towards you?
Something akin to that happened as of recent.
One of those, "Hey, you're a huge influence as to what I do!" sorts suddenly, well, tried to join Galt's Gulch, so to speak. Stopped caring, stopped conveying, and vanished.

I know they're not making burgers in a railroad diner, but part of me is infinitely sad that I never mailed them a postcard. Really, really sad.
I hope I meet them halfway.
I don't want to lose all that delightful influence and only have what I have.

I don't even know.

There's this weird stew of tumultuous something brewing up, and I don't know what it's aimed at, but I know I'm either about to spend an absurd amount of money, make a desperate effort, build schools in Bhutan, or sink into something stagnant.