Chik-!

That's the sound my mind tends to make, at least I imagine, when I do stuff like because I imagine it kind of spring-loading to do all of this in one sitting which is always kind of impractical. I meant to do this last night but for some reason 8:00 PM has become the new 12:00 AM, and I've got all the late-night tenacity of a napping cat.

On the bright side, though, I didn't wake up at 3:00 today. Hello 6:40 AM! I haven't seen you in so long. My, how you've grown! Lovely jacket, did you cut your hair? Snrk, snrk, snrk.

I was on a weird kick yesterday - I'd meant to play MasterSword, where I am ever more proud to be playing a Monk - I'll tell you why I'm so fond of spears in a moment, provided I don't run into any odd distractions or tangents, but this is a great branch to hold out on if I run out of stuff to type, s odon't count on it. Aah, shit - again, I'm not correcting my typos as I do this, but I am occasionally typing with one hand so I can drink my coffee. Its's not s vrery good sysstem sd you can see! Which kind of reminds me:

Ever heard of OpenCola? I guess it was part of this odd Danish or Finnish, or maybe Swedish or, uh, or... Shit, I can't think of another country. What's that one with Oslo? Um...Norwegian. It was some kind of bork-bork snowland (Sorry, Hjalmar, I'm going to quote you with the bork-bork to be amusing because I always thought it was sort of funny but innacurrate.) project where these guys were inspired by Open-Source coding and software and had essentially decided, "Let's make an open-source beer!" which gradually weclomed an open-source cola as well.

I thought that was pretty slick. It seems to be a pretty convoluted set-up but they actually had a guide for how to make your own club-soda without any sodium or anything. I could even caffienate it if I wanted to. If I felt like it. S'il vou plait. Hehe. It looks kind of convoluted and hard to work with though, yeah - lots of bottling things for weeks. Lots of yeast and syrups and powders. It's kind of cool though - some people actually have access to bottling presses and they sell their own varieties of OpenCola with recipe-cards for how to make it at home, and advertising for the sites and such. I don't know about the beer. If I made a beer, I would make a very, very dark beer. I think it's cool to see thosew weird beers with like...Y'know, the ones that look like a glass of bubbling tar. I'd drink that just to be Macho.

I'm not even a beer person. I seldom drink at all.
More curious about absinthe, though. Never have been able to get ahold of it.

Oh! shit i Forgot ti tell you abot the spears! Onikobe Rin! I've been on a huge Onikobe Rin kick. I follow him on Pixiv as I'm a huge fan of his super-androgynous girls-who-look-like-boys characters. I've always had a good deal of fun making girl-boys far past "Shoulder-length hair and a smoking-habit," and right down to "Buzz-cut and vodka," but there's really very few outlets to handle it. I mean, if you're playing a game, they very seldom have a "Butch" bar for you to scale back and forth, and they usually have a set-upof feminine haircuts for you to pick from. There's a few though, and I'll tel you about them sometime - Arcanum is amazing not one of them, but if you're craving that boyish position, there's very very few oppotunities for straight sex as a woman in that game. Lots and lots of catering, I imagine, for nerdy boys eating pizza while they play in their hours before school.

Or maybe just fallout-throwbacks I don't know. It took a lot of its inspiration from the original Fallouts, and you can even see a homage to it with a man wearing steam-plate woefully telling you a tale about being kicked out to find a source of indless water by the Mage Ordinatiate at Tlla. Er, Tulla, that is. Tulla by the way? Fuckin' beautiful. Every now and then I wish fervantly I knew how to open pre-existing maps in the Arcanum Editor so that I could make a Tulla-esque workshop in one of the far corners of the Morbihan Desert so that I didn't have to put up with Tarant or Wolf's-Pit every time I wanted to store something. And it'd be so pretty. It'd be so utterly pretty. I would have the prettiest little store-room ever.

It'd look like a small home. I'd even put in a little bed, and maybe a trap-door if I knew what I were doing (I don't.)

Oh! But yeah, Boy-Shou. Boy-Shou is the greatest thing under the sun. I must be the Boy-Shou. It's all the incentive I need to continue my new ab-workout routine. Basically, I've been hanging upside down from this suspended chair and then doing curls. I could only do fifteen last time. I can do sixty sit-ups no problems, but that vertical hanging shit, oh man, I did fifteen and it's my second day afterwards and I still feel it when I breathe. My father asserts me that it's the worst thing so he doesn't do it, but that it is indeed how you get sexy abs like Boy-Shou. And probably Yuugi.

...I need to stop connecting characters with good bodies to myself. I'm just working out.
Fuckin' vain, man.

Anywaus, Boy-Shou has a spear. Yes. I delayed you all that time to tell you "SPEAR," but hey, it takes a Spear and Unarmed fighting to be a Monk. That's right. Ichirin and Shou references all rolled up in one gloroius, oh shit what did I type? In one Glorioius...Oh damn it all. Glorious "HEEEEEE :3c" I confess I still don't know if this thing can handle Half-Life 1, but it handled Deus-Ex 1, so I'm hoping.

Oh man, Deus Ex...I should play you again sometime. I miss you.
Digressing! I'll talk more about HERE, TAKE THIS SOY FOOD, later.

Aw yeah I judt finidrg my...Just finuinished my...JUST FINISHED MY COFFEE.

No more shitty typing unless it happens as a natural byproduct of going a mile a minute.
Or maybe caffiene jitters.

Gotta think, gotta think, gotta think, gotta think, gotta

The military has just recieved my PTSD records, now. They're processing them.
This makes me kind of worrisome because while I can do the sit-ups and the sprint, I'm still having trouble doing the 60 push-ups in a minute...

The sad thing's that my arms are totally capable of handling the push-ups. It's just so hard to breath while doing them because if you take a deep breath your belly goes slack, and I -need- to take a deep breath being asthmatic which is very frustrating. I can hit thirty before I "HAAAH...HAAAH" and have to re-position myself for an extra set. That's not what they want. They want- double- that and I can't give it to them.

Fucking hell.

Maybe they'll see my awesome uh, what do you call it, credentials and be like, "Hey! You've checked most of the boxes and you're not a knuckle-dragger, and you've waited like a month and some change!"

That'd be really nice, but in the meantime I'm going to keep working out and trying to get better. It's nobody's job to help me, thus spoketh Ayn Rand.

Time for another tangent. I was talking to Emily-

Actually, let's forget that and focus on Emily. One of the reasons I have yet to find out if my computer's capable of handling MasterSword is the state her sister's in. As a nursey sort of person, I know the medical mantra for "Stroke" is "Time lost is brain lost," I think they handled it very quickly. The bad thing about a stroke is, if you survive it, it tends to be kind of like - at the risk of sounding utterly nerdy - a mass de-buff. It doesn't cripple you always, but it sets EVERYTHING back a notch. Only a notch, but -EVERYTHING-, and sometimes all you need for something new to complicate the situation or to aggrivate a pre-existing condition is to be short a notch.

That makes me worry a whole lot.

Regardless, I know she survived it, and that there was vascular damage to her neck and that she was recovering pretty well, but now she's going in for a surgery to fix some of the complications with terer...What the shit? With regard to the Stroke's aftermath. I don't know if it's a neurosurgery or if there's some muscular damage, or they're inspecting arterial walls or something - I'm too polite to ask or prod. I just hope that all goes well.

If you're the praying type, I'd chip in Emily's Sister beside Onni's Mother in the Big Guy's suggestion box.

If you're not and you're close enough to know who Emily is without asking me? Give her some support! Stuff's always nice to have in times like this.

If you're not praying and you're out of the loop, hey. Thanks for reading.

To finish the first sentence, we were swapping famous quotes, and with that Ayn Rand bit above, as well as a million pseudo-Randian posts behind this one, you might know that I like Ayn Rand.
I like Ayn Rand.
Anyways, there was actually an Objectivist movement after the wake of the release of Atlas Shrugged and people went crazy for her work, and all the cool shit it'd do. Unfortunately, they wbecame dogmatic, which is just what the books kind of fear. Dogma. Idiocy. No free will.
Long story short, while AYn Rand helped me, it also fucked up a lot of others.

Buddha had a very good quote where he just said, "Don't believe anything, even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your logic and principle."

Very good quote. Ayn Rand's probably rolling in her grave as I pick and choose from her perspective and squish it into mine as opposed to just taking her entire perspective, but it works for me. I temper out a lot of the Randian taciturn with Emily's almost hippie-ish love for everyone. She has a very loving and accomodating perspective that kind of accounts for everyone's differences and their beliefs in themselves...

Meanwhile, I'm very "I did ___ alone. You can do it, too. We have the same physical resources."
"I have so you can," as Emanuel calls it, is kind of my crutch when people critique my advice.

I try not to make friends I don't need. I try not to uh, wait, ear-itch. I try not to care at a deficit, and I love people who deserve it and who rise to the occasion when it matters.

That's not a very accomodating system, so I often steal a lot of shades of gray from Emily's philosopgies...Philosophies. It works for me, too.

Consider some of that. Or don't consider it at all if it disagrees with your logic.

Also, Liam. I should talk about Liam. Liam's cool. I want to call Liam today, or catch him in Skype or something. I've been secretly doing a lot of talking about Liam, and it's making me nostalgic. I adore Liam. I don't know why! It's kind of a funny thing. Most people wouldn't be friends with someone if they had the wierd histroy...Werird...Werid...Oh, damn it all. I'm just going to leave that one. Forget it. The History we have together, but we've just got the best-defined sort of...Awesome give and take ever.

We've got apprehensive, "Don't cross this line," sort of stuff. Like, I bet if I insulted Sophee, he'd endure it for no more than fifteen seconds before lashing out at Emily and telling me to fuck myself.

But we also call eachother when we need a shoulder or something. I was really happy to hear from him when they put Buddy to sleep. Really regretful that I explained how Ketamine works in Euthanasia but...He didn't hold it against me.

Better yet, a lot of people don't understand Liam. I guess it's because he doesn't always understand them. Liam would outright rather be wrong, and admit his flawed logic, that accept sound logic from someone who's also an asshole. Which is kind of good and kind of bad. A lot of people have that "I'm okay you're okay," kind of sheep, vanilla-ocean mentality. Liam doesn't follow that mindset. Sometimes it makes him ambitious and innovative. Sometimes he just tells you to fuck your hands, too, though. It's a weird system. Sometimes it works, though.

I don't know. I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate Liam.
He's a tricky cookie to eat. He's got a lot of odd facets to him. We've got a lot of history.
I always see him as this sullen lover who's distant and takes a lot of abuse but really rises to the occasion when you need him to. I hope Sophee kind of turns him about in her hands a bit and stops weighing so much upon her kind of...I guess Social Group? I really wish she'd just borrow my eyes or something, and see all those weird lines drawn and how to approach things. I wish she'd kind of appreciate 'em more, I guess. Or at least see how he things, and work around it.

...That sounds too much like a therapy session. Ugh.

I don't know. Anyways! I've gotten my OpenSoda rant out, I've gotten my suspiciously MASCULINE apreciation for Onikobe Rin's work out, I've talked about some quotes and the stroke, and finally bragged about Liam which I've been meaning to do for along time now. I guess this kind of concludes

NOPE! I HAVE ANOTHER STORY.

Hjalmar (bork, bork, awesome person too, should write more about you,) and I were talking about Greece and GAY SEX. Yep. Hot butt-lovin'. Not really, though, but mostly the odd kind of connotations of men loving men in Ancient Greece and Rome, and in Arabia as well.

I bet we've bot h got super-glamorized eyes on it, and I know there's a lot of unprettiness in it too. Like these two Jannisaries fighting over a cute Bath-Attendant boy. Their Dervish hears about it and just murders the boy they were fighting over and goes, "Alright soldiers. Let's move on," or like...I know a Roman boy dressed as a young girl and was gang-raped by his classmates. That's kind of screwed up. Sounds like a bad doujin. But ah...A nice thing about rape in Roman times is, they didn't few the rape-victim as a victim. They refused to give the rapists the satisfaction of having "lowered the person's social standing," by raping them. They basically were kind of..."Hey. Don't cry. Guy's a bastard. Let's get you cleaned up and on your feet," about it. I think the Government at the time actually gave monetary compensation to the gang-rape victim and then protected him or something. I don't remember.

Regardless, Hjalmar and I spent a lot of time pondering...I think it was Pederasty? Yes, no red-underlines. Pederasty. Basically, they'd pair you off to some guy who was a little older than you. There's a lot of reported sexual stuff in it, but it was also looked upon as something close to murder if you betrayed the trust of the boy you were protecting by sleeping with him or letting others do similar, unless you had a relationship beyond that or something. I don't know. Anyways, we both kind of wished we had something like that when we were small. A Ran to our Chens.

I really wished I had an older boy to have saved me when I lived in England and I was being whalloped for being a foreigner.

Hjalmar kind of clung to his brother's friends, and he told me about a particularly handsome and kind one who kind of looked out for him.

It's kind of weird looking back on it. I don't know. I just really wish they had a good system like that. I think Japan has a manditory one or something with that whole "-sempai" bit, but...I don't know. It's something to think about.

I wish there were more older children watching out for younger children. I wish there were trust and brotherly affection - comraderie and such. I wish I had someone looking out for me at that age.

Anyways, before I verge on the line of age-regressed homosexual fantasy, I'm going to call this good and move on.

Thanks for reading. It's been a pleasure to get this out in one sitting so I don't bore ears with it later. I've got to get to the Gym for a bit of punishment. I'd also like to ge t a nice hot shower.