Lonely.

I miss Ridgecrest...

When you have an ear infection they give you a set amount of antibiotic to totally curbstomp whatever's got you feeling under the weather. It's important to take EVERY SINGLE DOSE, even if you feel perfectly fine, because just because you don't feel it doesn't mean that STANK-NASTY BUG GERM ISN'T FESTERIN' IN YOUR HEAD. If you skip it, it comes back stronger for being struck down and you actually have to get a different antibiotic as it becomes a resistant strain and is evermore determined to wreck you.

I think I screwed myself and skipped a dosage regarding that nasty emotional cold I've been dealing with. I was feeling better and I shrugged it off and it came back with a vengeance. But BEING SAD REALLY IS A PRODUCT OF HOW YOU REACT TO THINGS! I handled it pretty badly yesterday night. I threw a little tantrum.

Not even a good tantrum. If you don't know me, I'm kind of indignant when I get angry and sad.

It winds up coming out a lot like This. Because I'm a bit of a push-over and I know myself well enough to know that I'll be fine in the morning, so I'm just like, "Well guys, I'm angry. I'll be okay though!"

 Today, I decided how I'd deal with it. I drew a picture of the mountains of Ridgecrest. I listened to some music I've never heard. I had a slice of Pizza Margherita. I cleaned up my shit. I took a break from GetAmped 2, and I mailed out the letter I wrote to Emily. 

The music by the by is pretty amazing. It's Chiptune. With vocals. Done by the talented Space Boyfriend. "Bug Spray" is a story-ballad about a boy from space chasing a little Earth girl. And their lovely WATERMELON-DATES and all sorts of HAPPY and SAD moments that follow. 

Kind of like MASS EFFECT WITHOUT GUNS AND NOTORIOUSLY POOR ENDINGS.

Please give Bug Spray a listen. It's really a heartwarming album for anyone who's nerdy and been in love.

Be sure to go in-order. The songs segue into each-other!

Anyways, my Navy stuff is finally squared-away. I swear-in next Thursday after another physical exam.

I'm not really sure how to feel. I'm in-love. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm a lot of things.

I'M SCARED AND INSECURE, MY DEAR.

All the same, I'm excited to be doing something with myself. I'm actively working towards a better life. Towards a position from which I can help more people. Towards a happy and more-permanant look at those mountains I miss so much, and the person who lives beside them.

In conclusion, a ways back Liam, his squeeze Swing, and I had an intentionally over-the-top roleplay in the middle of Maid Army's Skype-chat. It's spawned a few in-jokes and kind of threatens to live on in infamy. There's some parts that are less funny because you don't hear us laughing over our microphones, but here's a Transcription of our terrible adventures in a WORLD OF PIZZA AND SEMEN.

Headcolds, Hospital Children, and Fasting.

It's not uncommon to find religions, doctrines, and philosophies that divide the Human Body into various planes of existence; most commonly the Spiritual Realm, the Physical Realm, and the Mental.

Often times these are looked at, perhaps incorrectly, as almost an alternate dimension - a "Different You" or something that exists solely in the context of whatever aspect of yourself you are considering or observing.

But, to me, they seem to be very much an extension of the physical body. The reason I bring this up is that I find it entirely possible for someone to catch a figurative 'Headcold'. Not in the sense that it's traditionally understood to be "Mentally Sick," but rather a bout of poor judgment. A span of disillusionment. A sudden restlessness. Dissatisfaction with what you love.

There are off-days on occasion when I look out upon my yesterdays and I feel this disenchantment; this bitter disconnect where instead of the progress and happiness I've made and shared, I see dull routines of working out, waking up at 5:00, dealing with people who aren't my favorite, cold and bitter coffee, dull muscular aches, dramatic evenings with Liam and Swing, lengthy goodnights, and waiting for the Navy to whisk me away.

My perspective sours for a moment. My outlook catches a cold.

I think I was sporting a headcold for a bit without knowing it.

Today, I took off the gymshorts and tank-tops I've been wearing one after the other and I put on the Red Jacket Emily gave me. My favorite. My prized possession. I got dressed up like I was doing on a date, and I walked the good distance to the lakeshore. I climbed out onto a rocky outcropping in the water and I just sat there.

A muskrat peeked out of the stones I sat on before retreating within them. I stood up tall and held my arms out. It began to rain. I called Emily and talked to her while the water began to plip and splash. When we parted ways, the rain turned into a downpour and the lakeshore looked to be boiling and black - when the sky turned dark, so too did the waters. It was beautiful.

I stood there, high on that outcropping with my arms out while the rain soaked me down to my shoes, watching the lighthouse flash on the opposite shore grow harder and harder to see.

I was so happy. A call from Emily and a thorough soaking from the sky was all I needed to get over my cold.

By the same token, I've been on fast all day. It was quite frustrating. I crave tofu and eggplant, and rice, and peanut-butter. On Thursday, I receive my ship-out date and I've begun to worry about it among other things. A curious man I met - a Chechen - advised me to pray, meditate, and fast. I listened.

In closing, here is a piece of art done by Ten. I'd mentioned it in my prior post. It's the piece I'd wanted to buy an artbook for. I don't know what's so amazing about it, but it's downright amazing to me. I feel a kinship to the boy in the picture, because I have done similar things. The style. The everything.
I just enjoy it very much and I hope you do, too. It really puts me in a state of wonder.

Please be sure to click on it, as it's too wide for my tiny Blog's dimensions, and thus will not display fully.