Une Mise a Jour.

My days always feel CONGESTED, lately, like a pair of gunked-up nostrils.

I've done the math and approximately 71% of my day today was spent working. I was excited to get a car-ride home, but it fell through and I wound up walking back anyhow. When I got home, Benji had fallen asleep, and the plans we'd made to sit-around in roleplay chat inventing stories and characters sort of fell-through. But that's okay, I suppose I can just write here until the clock strikes 9:00PM and then I'll probably sleep to be up by 4:00AM sharp for an encore performance of today.

After a year you might think I'd be used to this WEIRD SCHEDULE by now.

And you'd be wrong; I don't know what it is, but around the nine-hour mark, everything runs together like tapioca in my head and I feel really BURNT-OUT and PASSIVE about a lot of things. I think a lot of folks might just call that being tired. Yeah, maybe that's the case. Maybe I'm just tired.

My sister's birthday was two days ago, and my great friend Rose's was yesterday. It's an expensive month to buy presents, but sadly I'm a bit poorer than usual after ponying up $300 to unanticipated expenses. All the same, I called and spoke with my sister for like THE FIRST TIME IN THREE YEARS and I was surprised at how much she'd matured. She's gone from closed-minded and kind of flaky to open-minded and socially-active within her community. It's really heartening to bear witness to such an unanticipated metamorphosis. I happily talked to her about a multitude of topics: Being Transgender. My Father's Racist Inclinations. Politics. Islam. Husbands. The Many Wise Sayings of Emily Lucas. Peter Pan. Working Long Hours. Lili Elbe. Dysfunctional Mothers. Mid-Life Crises.

It was really refreshing to connect with someone like that, and I felt like contacting her to say happy birthday was more a treat for myself than it was her. What a REFRESHING TURN OF EVENTS.

Lately, I've been brainstorming a lot of character ideas and none are really coming to fruition; it occurred to me to pen a bunch of them down for consideration, review, and chopping-on later, and I'll probably pop them up here later; maybe you can salvage some chunks of their would-be character development and incorporate them into your own works, so in a way, they surpass this embryonic state I've kind of bottled them into? I haven't had a lot of opportunity to draw lately, either, so I feel sort of CREATIVELY-STAGNANT and was really hoping to explore some notional stories today, before my day kind of spiraled into coming home around 9:00PM.

It's approaching my cue to leave; I still need to shower and dry my uniform for tomorrow.
I wish you all the luckiest stars and happy dreamings.

The Word of the Day is:

"TORPOR" - (n.) [TOR-per]: A state of inactivity, indifference, or reduced physical power.

...Sometimes torpor sets in, and I forget simple things like my age and what day it is.

You know, It's Been Forever Since I Started This...

I should probably go back to using this.

I don't have a lot of time to, these days, but 

I FEEL LIKE I WAS A HAPPIER PERSON WHEN I KEPT A DIARY.

Surely, it cannot hurt to try and start it up again.

First thing is probably first - a reintroduction is probably in order.
Hello. I am MEENA DHALGREN. I began this blog as ZACK over four years ago.
I would venture to say I am Transgender; I had my official counseling to begin transition about a year and a half ago but I've been limited by the Department of Defense's policies on Transgender servicemembers. However, as of about two days ago, Defense Secretary Ashton Carter, lifted those restrictions and I may now serve openly.

Currently, I am living in Japan.
This is like, the dream of a lot of the people I know, but really it's a bit of an odd place. You will never not-feel like a foreigner here, and the silly self-deprecating title of "GAIJIN" that so many of us adopt is actually a fairly mild insult here, somewhat akin to getting called a "HILLBILLY".
There is much of the country I have yet to see. I've been here for about a year now, but opportunities to escape out into the world are very few and far between. Which is to say, I've had a single opportunity in the year I've been here, and it wound-up falling through. Nevertheless, it's beautiful here. It rains frequently, which I enjoy, and a general air of quiet respectfulness abounds. You'll never have anyone holler at you, nor will you hear anyone arguing in the streets in Japan, unless it's two Americans and they're drunk.

I am a little more uneasy than I normally am as of late.
It will likely not come as a surprise to hear that, upon adopting my identity as Meena Dhalgren and completing my counseling, I happily contacted my parents to inform them, as I had intended to explore the Military's opportunities for me to start transitioning regardless of existing policies. They did not take it well. They told me they had felt that a member of their family had died. They furthermore told me not to appear at my sibling's graduation.

This wound up being a non-issue regardless, because I was pulled into the Global War on Terrorism in response to the fall of Mosul approximately three days later, which would not have permitted me to attend.

Things didn't really recover after that. I assumed they disliked me. They assumed that I disliked them. We've begun talking again, but they say that they feel "betrayed" at the distance I have put between us. But truth be told, working twelve to fifteen-hour shifts, IT'S HARD TO FIND TIME TO CONVERSE WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE YOU. Who have little positive to say about you. I'm hard-up on time and motivation.

I'm a little worried about today.
Recently, I was essentially promoted to vice-manager of the workcenter I am part of. The "manager" equivalent of the workcenter is largely there to supervise and handle clerical duties while the vice-manager is overall responsible for the quality of the product being provided, and also responsible for presenting the product. It's been a month or so since I've been vice-manager though, due to some manning issues, so I'm worried about going back in inexperienced.

BUT I WASN'T BUILT FOR WORRYING.

I was built for other things! 

So I'll handle it, somehow. 

I plan to just go in a little earlier than usual, and get all the details written down.
Then I'll just go through all my duties and responsibilities checklist-style...

In closing, I wanted to talk about my balcony, I guess...
I know it's silly, but I have this little concrete balcony overlooking a parking-lot.
It's not much, really, and has been a place for me to store discarded boxes for awhile, but I got into the spirit of cleaning at like, 1:00 AM a couple days ago, and I took about half the boxes out to make room for a small table and two chairs...

I've been taking my tea out there. I tried drawing out there, but it's very windy in Japan and it tends to devastate my sketchbook. Nevertheless, I hope to clear out the last of the boxes soon, and then make a small garden.

That would really add something to my life, as well, I think...
Farewell, and here's a picture of the rainy Japanese seaside.

And it just goes on for miles...

The Word of the Day is:

"CYNOSURE" - (n.) [SIGH-no-sure]: Someone or something that is a focal point of admiration.

...I have a lot of cynosures, and many of them are people I've mentioned previous in this place.