You know, It's Been Forever Since I Started This...

I should probably go back to using this.

I don't have a lot of time to, these days, but 

I FEEL LIKE I WAS A HAPPIER PERSON WHEN I KEPT A DIARY.

Surely, it cannot hurt to try and start it up again.

First thing is probably first - a reintroduction is probably in order.
Hello. I am MEENA DHALGREN. I began this blog as ZACK over four years ago.
I would venture to say I am Transgender; I had my official counseling to begin transition about a year and a half ago but I've been limited by the Department of Defense's policies on Transgender servicemembers. However, as of about two days ago, Defense Secretary Ashton Carter, lifted those restrictions and I may now serve openly.

Currently, I am living in Japan.
This is like, the dream of a lot of the people I know, but really it's a bit of an odd place. You will never not-feel like a foreigner here, and the silly self-deprecating title of "GAIJIN" that so many of us adopt is actually a fairly mild insult here, somewhat akin to getting called a "HILLBILLY".
There is much of the country I have yet to see. I've been here for about a year now, but opportunities to escape out into the world are very few and far between. Which is to say, I've had a single opportunity in the year I've been here, and it wound-up falling through. Nevertheless, it's beautiful here. It rains frequently, which I enjoy, and a general air of quiet respectfulness abounds. You'll never have anyone holler at you, nor will you hear anyone arguing in the streets in Japan, unless it's two Americans and they're drunk.

I am a little more uneasy than I normally am as of late.
It will likely not come as a surprise to hear that, upon adopting my identity as Meena Dhalgren and completing my counseling, I happily contacted my parents to inform them, as I had intended to explore the Military's opportunities for me to start transitioning regardless of existing policies. They did not take it well. They told me they had felt that a member of their family had died. They furthermore told me not to appear at my sibling's graduation.

This wound up being a non-issue regardless, because I was pulled into the Global War on Terrorism in response to the fall of Mosul approximately three days later, which would not have permitted me to attend.

Things didn't really recover after that. I assumed they disliked me. They assumed that I disliked them. We've begun talking again, but they say that they feel "betrayed" at the distance I have put between us. But truth be told, working twelve to fifteen-hour shifts, IT'S HARD TO FIND TIME TO CONVERSE WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE YOU. Who have little positive to say about you. I'm hard-up on time and motivation.

I'm a little worried about today.
Recently, I was essentially promoted to vice-manager of the workcenter I am part of. The "manager" equivalent of the workcenter is largely there to supervise and handle clerical duties while the vice-manager is overall responsible for the quality of the product being provided, and also responsible for presenting the product. It's been a month or so since I've been vice-manager though, due to some manning issues, so I'm worried about going back in inexperienced.

BUT I WASN'T BUILT FOR WORRYING.

I was built for other things! 

So I'll handle it, somehow. 

I plan to just go in a little earlier than usual, and get all the details written down.
Then I'll just go through all my duties and responsibilities checklist-style...

In closing, I wanted to talk about my balcony, I guess...
I know it's silly, but I have this little concrete balcony overlooking a parking-lot.
It's not much, really, and has been a place for me to store discarded boxes for awhile, but I got into the spirit of cleaning at like, 1:00 AM a couple days ago, and I took about half the boxes out to make room for a small table and two chairs...

I've been taking my tea out there. I tried drawing out there, but it's very windy in Japan and it tends to devastate my sketchbook. Nevertheless, I hope to clear out the last of the boxes soon, and then make a small garden.

That would really add something to my life, as well, I think...
Farewell, and here's a picture of the rainy Japanese seaside.

And it just goes on for miles...

The Word of the Day is:

"CYNOSURE" - (n.) [SIGH-no-sure]: Someone or something that is a focal point of admiration.

...I have a lot of cynosures, and many of them are people I've mentioned previous in this place.